Being a blogger gives the impression you are a confident, nothing-bothers-you person but it couldn’t be far from the truth; if anything it highlights your imperfections and makes you more aware of what you dislike about yourself. I read a similar post on Dorkface’s blog (here) and it inspired me to speak about my insecurities. Will I be relieved of my personal hang ups by speaking about them? No. What I do believe is sharing something is better than hiding it away. Who knows something you dislike and hide is more common in other people than you think.
I also want to comment on how the online world in general encourages us to show our better sides; curating a perfect Instagram theme of edited selfies and a life full of positivity. It’s not all rainbows and glitter and it’s important to know everyone is human. We all have insecurities, down days and moments of doubt in everything we do. That is okay. So here are a few of my insecurities.
- After studying about body dysmorphia for my dissertation it gave the impression that body weight/shape doesn’t bother me. It couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m thankful to be a size 10 but I am always worried about getting bigger. I don’t eat as healthy as I should and my biggest weakness is chocolate, I have chubby bits and feel self-aware in photos and would rather be a little bit slimmer.
- My hair is incredibly thin after years of bleaching and neglect for nourishment. I wish it was thicker and longer and it often gets me down. Being blonde has always been part of my identity and I’m missing having a full head of blonde locks (as I’m currently rocking ombre) so it’s a real struggle and I’m looking for a healthy way to maintain being blonde.
- I am also really paranoid about my teeth; I feel as though they are horrible, yellow and wonky. I know they’re not that bad but it’s something I always have wanted to alter.
- There are a lot more reasons I dislike the way I look and I genuinely lack self esteem. One of the other factors I wish I could change is my nose; it’s very dominant and I’d love for it to be smaller. I found a lot of inspiration from Ellie Goulding who had the same insecurity and how she overcomes comments, but it doesn’t change my desire for alteration if I had the chance.
- My anxiety gets extremely bad when I feel like I do not have control in a situation – this began at Uni and has remained with me since my first year. When I was working in retail in London I had to go away for training and I broke down and didn’t have to stay in the hotel overnight, instead commuted almost two hours to be back at home. New places and new people act as triggers which is why I have been too scared to attend a lot of blogger events. I feel extremely insecure about it and know it prevents a lot of opportunities but I am trying to push myself every day, I think this is why I am also so nervous about beginning to learn to drive.
- I’m not alone with this one, I know, but the idea of not being good enough is something I remain insecure about. From conversations to my boyfriend to my job, I always feel worried that I say/do something wrong. I wish you could buy confidence on eBay or something.
- One of the final things that I remain insecure about are my emotions. You know when you get so overwhelmed and start crying for no real reason and look like a total idiot? That’s me. I cry. A lot. I wish I could control this as it can happen over anything, as soon as I feel anxious, depressed or vulnerable. I hate how people feel sorry for you when this happens instead of allow you space. Being upset and being anxious are very different and I wish there was more awareness.
There are a lot more I could list and I don’t want this post to be one that has negative connotations, instead inspires you all to recognise and reflect on their insecurities and ways to help control or overcome them. A lot of my life is put online and I share a lot of positivity (as I believe I am an overall positive person) so it was only fair I shared the parts that are not magical as that’s real life.
I hope this helps you to embrace everything about yourself; the good, the bad and the ugly.